Featured
By Adam Gettinger-Brizuela
MA, CATC-IV, San Diego Fatherhood Network
MA, CATC-IV, San Diego Fatherhood Network
There
is someone very important missing from the lives of tens of thousands of Latino
children in San Diego County: their father. Although Latinos are not the
majority in San Diego County, our men are disproportionately jailed and
imprisoned, so they make up the majority of the incarcerated population. Latino
children make up the largest ethnic group of children removed from the homes
and placed in foster care, often with families of a different culture. Drug
use, which includes alcoholism, and violence, both of which lead to legal
problems, divorce and homelessness, also plague our community. What has
happened to us?
Latinos
are by far the largest minority group in San Diego County. In the interest of
brevity the term “Latino” will be used throughout this article. It is
understood that the vast majority of Latinos in California are of Mexican
origin. Whether we call ourselves “mexicanos,” “Mexican-Americans” or
“Chicanos,” there is wide acceptance of the concept of one “Raza,” which does
not exclude our Puerto Rican, Cuban, or Central and South American brethren.
Although many us are proud that our physical appearance and mestizo culture
evokes the heritage of the original nations of this hemisphere, we are also
heirs to the conservative Catholic culture of Spain. For centuries,
Spanish-speaking people have lived in powerfully-connected family groups, and
fathers were the central figures in each “familia.” The Hispanic tradition of
using both fathers’ and mothers’ surnames demonstrates the deep respect which Latino
men and women have historically felt and demonstrated toward one another.
Latino men were judged, in the eyes of their communities, not by how much money
they made, but by how they treated their loved ones. Latino men have a long
history of being devoted to their children, and it is only in the past few
decades that the fabric of that devotion appears to have started to unravel.
For
centuries, the vast majority of Latino men and women have married for life.
Today, the Latino divorce rate is only slightly lower than the 50% cited for
the general American population. Recent changes in our society have not always
been beneficial for Latino men. Thousands of them lost their jobs in the
recession and economic pressures are considered the number one cause of
problems that lead to divorce. In addition, for many Latinos, anti-immigrant
hysteria has created even more problems. Those members of our community who do
not have the proper work or residency papers are being hounded by an
increasingly racist climate. Even those of us who were born here, or have been
“naturalized” (as if that were necessary for a human being) are being subjected
to undue scrutiny and pressure these days. These social ills, which contribute
to high rates of addiction, violence, divorce and homelessness, are also behind
one of the great social tragedies of our time; millions of Latino children
growing up without knowing their fathers. In San Diego County alone, tens of
thousands of Latino children do not live with their natural fathers. Many do
not know their fathers at all. Thousand of Latino children have been removed
from both their parents and are languishing in foster care. There are not
enough foster care homes licensed to Latinos. Amiable co-parenting by divorced
parents is uncommon among Latinos.
So,
again, the rhetorical question: “¿Que nos ha sucedido?” (What has happened to
us?) There are social theories, of course, but what is clear is that many
Latino family lives have been disrupted and dismembered. Perhaps the most
important thing is not to lament the passing of the traditional strong Latino
family, but the active intention to seek a solution to our contemporary
reality. Does anyone seriously suggest that Latino men have stopped loving
their children? The reason many of our men make the sacrifice of leaving the
old country and coming to work very hard in a hostile, racist society is to
provide a better life for their children. Tens of thousands of Latino men right
here in San Diego, including those who are divorced, get up with the sun every
weekday morning to provide for their children. Even among the most die-hard
Chi-cano “vatos” we see the names of their “morritos” tattooed on their bodies.
Fathers are absent from Latino families, but it is not for lack of love or
concern.
In
our work with the POPS organization and the San Diego Fatherhood Network, we
have seen Latino men struggle with all their might just to be allowed to see
their children. Some have taken on the ultimate commitment and become single
fathers, stepping up when things go wrong for mothers, and keeping their
children out of foster care. Case examples include men who have been attacked
and battered by the mothers of their children, yet have full custody of the
children given to those same violent women by the courts. Men, especially
Latinos and other men of color, are generally considered too unstable and
untrustworthy to be responsible for children unless they are part of a married
couple. In many cases, children are removed from mothers who are drug addicts
or have abused the children, yet their fathers are not even contacted, since
they are not considered a viable placement option.
Not
only do children suffer serious consequences from missing their fathers, men
pay a heavy price for being excluded from the joy of fatherhood. It is
well-documented that children of all ethnic groups do better in school, have
fewer behavioral and discipline problems, are less likely to use drugs, bully,
act out sexually or run away, if their fathers are in the home or maintain a relationship
with them. Similarly, men who have no contact with their children are the most
likely to engage in crime, active addiction, gang activity and violence. It
should be obvious but it bears saying: Children need their fathers and fathers
need their children. For the past two or three generations, children have
increasingly been treated as property, usually of the mother, but sometimes of
the county or the state. It is our contention as men who work with fathers that
children are not property at all, but persons, with rights. Among these is the
right to be known and loved by their fathers. Without it children can grow up
feeling abandoned and unworthy. Little boys need to be taught how to act like
decent men (and fathers) and little girls need to know how to be treated with
love and respect by a man. No one can do this like Papa’.
Adam Gettinger-Brizuela is the Director of Paternal
Opportunities, Programs & Services, (POPS) and Co-Chair of the San Diego
Fatherhood Network.
