by Kent Peters, Director, Office for Social Ministry, Diocese of San Diego
I had the privilege of attending the very first Men’s Leadership Forum (MLF) back in 2001. That seems like eons ago. The day had a profound, direct, and long-term impact on how my ministry with the Diocese of San Diego would eventually unfold. It was a turning point that led to serious engagement in the relationship-violence arena within the faith community. When planning began for the Second Annual MLF, I was at the table, ready to dig in, ready to learn more, and eager to bring the message of ending relationship violence (RV) to congregations through the MLF, and that would unfold in a way that had rarely been seen in the U.S.A.
Following the second annual MLF, research on faith-community involvement in ending domestic violence revealed that religious leadership all across the country had fallen into what I would call the perennial bureaucratic trap of “teachers teaching other teachers only.” Religious leaders, having understood the RV message, would call together other religious leaders who knew little about RV and instill in them an understanding of the prevalence and pervasiveness of RV. The newly initiated would walk away informed and committed to sharing this message with other religious leaders. And so a web of “the informed” was spun, leader by leader, but the web rarely if ever made contact those who actually suffered at the hands of those who claim to love them. I did not want to fall into trap. And so…
In late 2003, a small group of religiously affiliated activists within the MLF created a breakout session “with a twist” that would be offered in its upcoming February, 2004 Forum. About 35 religious leaders attended that breakout session and would readily admit that the group had one of the most intense and soul-searching conversations imaginable. It centered around one simple question, “How could religious communities, which claim to be all about enlivening and elevating human relationships through an infusion of God’s infinite love, be in the dark about RV and provide a setting where even talking about RV was deemed out of bounds?” The workshop “twist” was inviting attendees to meet a week later to begin a year-long venture of crafting a novel approach to the problem of RV within the faith community. About sixteen members of the workshop began that process and nearly thirteen made it to the end where a unique program was unveiled: “Safe Place Faith Communities.” We call it “Safe Place” for short.
When adopted by a congregation, what made “Safe Place” different was its direct focus on reaching out to congregation members who were experiencing RV. It also relied heavily on what was already available: abundant RV community resources, congregation members willing to work on the issue, and congregation leaders willing to try something new. Eventually several congregation-based Safe Place teams with six to twelve members were, 1) trained in RV basics, 2) familiarized with all local RV service providers, and 3) commissioned by the congregation to be available to their fellow congregants.
When adopted by a congregation, what made “Safe Place” different was its direct focus on reaching out to congregation members who were experiencing RV. It also relied heavily on what was already available: abundant RV community resources, congregation members willing to work on the issue, and congregation leaders willing to try something new. Eventually several congregation-based Safe Place teams with six to twelve members were, 1) trained in RV basics, 2) familiarized with all local RV service providers, and 3) commissioned by the congregation to be available to their fellow congregants.
At St. Pius X Catholic Church in Chula Vista, over a three-year period, more than sixty five families used the Safe Place team members to resolve issues such as: child abuse, spousal abuse, elder abuse, sexual abuse, teen abusing parents, among other expressions of RV. In fact, the St. Pius X team changed the culture of the congregation over those few years by regularly scheduling speakers from local RV service providers for presentations within the congregation, with the intention of reaching every smaller grouping within the parish with the good news that RV can be dealt with effectively. That team at St. Pius X broke the silence surrounding RV, opened the door to healing individuals, assisted seriously dysfunctional families, and even helped restore relationships that had experienced violence.
To view Pdf versions of, 1) the booklet used to explain the “Safe Place” program, 2) a small placement card used for discrete advertising of the program, and 3) program posters, follow the three links below:
www.osmelink.org/SPFCBrochure.
www.osmelink.org/SPFCCard.pdf
www.osmelink.org/SPFCPoster.
www.osmelink.org/SPFCBrochure.
www.osmelink.org/SPFCCard.pdf
www.osmelink.org/SPFCPoster.
You may have noticed that the term “relationship violence” has been used throughout this commentary. That is due to the fact that the term “domestic violence” in common parlance still evokes a mindset that only women are victims, that men are perpetrators, that few if any men are victims, and that it’s rare for a woman to be a perpetrator. During the course of its 11-year history, MLF leadership came to fully embrace a gender-inclusive manner of working on the issue of inter-personal violence, hence the term, “relationship violence.” Both women and men are perpetrators of relationship violence; both can be victims; but everyone can be healed.
I would like to thank the initial MLF visionaries who had the wisdom to draw faith community leaders into the vital work of both understanding relationship violence and ending relationship violence. Miracles will never cease.
I would like to thank the initial MLF visionaries who had the wisdom to draw faith community leaders into the vital work of both understanding relationship violence and ending relationship violence. Miracles will never cease.
No comments:
Post a Comment